• Anonymous

    Reclaim has helped me realize that the blame, the guilt, and the shame of my abuse is not mine to carry. What happened to me does not define me. I don’t have to be ashamed any more. I have great anticipation for what is to come. My eyes are being opened.  I am remembering things and emotions that I had locked away, never to revisit again. But, revisting those feelings and situations last Tuesday was very hard, but also very liberating. I don’t believe I have ever felt so free in my life.  THANK YOU DR. KAYE!

  • Getmeback

    I may have moments, but you know something. I now know how to recognize where it is coming from and how to deal with it. I can reclaim my self back. Now how many people can say that!!

  • Nina

    I believe it is an ignorant response and proof of how far gone this world is concerning abuse. When is it ever okay to tell someone “get over” being raped, “get over” being touched inappropriately, “get over” your uncle making you perform sexual acts on him for food. When people say get over “it” they really need to spell out what “it” is to gain better perspective on what they are asking a person to do. It is so unfortunate that the world believes forgetting is the answer but it is not. Exposing the hurt of children who had no way of protecting themselves and bringing the perpetrators who do these terrible acts in secret to justice for the world to see is.

  • Reclaimed Hubby

    When I hear people say that, I’m thinking to myself, “do they realize they are endorsing someone to operate like a schizophrenic?”  What life is there to get on with!?!?!  It was robbed when the blankety blank STOLE it!!  unfortunately in many cases, NUMEROUS blankety blanks STOLE it!!!  These bootleg Dr. Phil’s and Phyllis’ go around giving this damaging advice.  All it really translates to is s”ok, Let me PRETEND like I am over it.”  then what happens is the ones closest to the victim have to suffer the results of a person with a damaged emotional system.  no one wins in this scenario other than the perpetrator.  He/She gets off FREE as a bird to go and ATTACK someone else, because Guess What??  No one knows about their sickness due to the whole trashy “Get on with your life” movement.  Reclaim stops that vehicle in its tracks, goes back to the scene of the crime(s) and addresses it so that lives can ACTUALLY be “Reclaimed” thereby enabling them to “Progress” in life.  Thank God for Dr. Kaye and the staff of Reclaim for the impacting work that they are doing in the lives of abuse victims, Reclaimers, and the families who love them!!!   

  • http://www.facebook.com/dawn.archer.75 Dawn Archer

    Someone (who is very dear to my heart) told me I did not have the right to prosecute my perp due to my religious belief. Wow. I am glad that reclaim will bring understanding to people regarding the darkness of sexual abuse.

  • Carswellsusan

    The statement that one should get over sexual abuse displays a lack of knowledge of the long-term effects that the abuse has on  a victim.  Speaking from experience, my abuse caused me to have a low opinion of myself, shame, anger, and to engage in self-destructive behavior, like promiscuity and drug addiction.  It also
    brought about isolation of all my family members.  My abusers were my parents and, when I confronted     my mom, she denied it and told the rest of the family that I was lying, which they believed.  This deprived me and my sons of any relationship with my family, which hurt deeply. 

    Sexual abuse, particularly of children, is a silent evil that is destroying the fabric of millions of families and individuals in this society.  Unless education, healing of victims, and prosecution of perpetrators take place on a large scale, this epidemic will eventually destroy the family and our society.

  • Joyfulwhyte

    I think hearing it from the spiritual authority in my life to just get over the abuse also made me not trust anyone but I can honestly say attending the Reclaim conferences and being with others who have healed from some really awful things has made me a better person and I can let my guard down then let others into my beautiful life.

  • UCAN2

    I have been told this by a loving family member who probably thought they were giving good advice.  It is NOT a cold.  You cannot just ‘get over’ being raped, abused, molested…broken.  It made me feel like I was being told, “Hasn’t enough time gone by?? Can’t you just FORGIVE them and be better??” The answer is NO. Time is not the medicine for going through it. Confrontation is. Confront what happened. Confront the life that was redirected. Confront the lies and say to the little one inside that you have a RIGHT to be heard. A right to tell.  ReClaim listened to me…and I was not judged.    

    • Dee

      @UCAN2; I totally agree with you, having your innocence robbed is not something you just get over like a cold.  I am glad you have a safe place to confront what happened to you.  To have someone listen to you and believe you and didn’t judge you; seems to me you had a safe place to fall.  ReClaim is so needed worldwide-unfortunately, more people need that outlet.

  • Cocoabutter Chef

    Believe it or not, before I dealt with my abuse, I used to say the same thing.  I would think, “why won’t they just get over it, it is not that big a deal?” It wasn’t until I saw how my abuse was so heavily webbed into my everyday life that I realized that there is no, “just getting over it.”  Now I realize that people that say these things could not possibly understand the world of a person that has been sexually abused.  Where do you store these feeling in your mind? Where are you supposed to go with emotions that cannot be verbally expressed? For someone to utter these words, only shows ignorance, and it saddens me that with such horrific crimes as these are toward mankind, that people are not more compassionate and understanding.  I am angered that a child can be violated, and then told to just get on with their life! Really?! How can you get on with life when your very life freezes at the point of violation? When you can answer that question then maybe we can try and scratch the surface about getting over something!

  • Hctaylor1997

    I think they are crazy and ignorant.  One thing I notice though is that people speak from where they are currently which can be a good thing and also a bad thing.  Often times it is more a bad thing because they don’t consider how what they say will affect people later on after they have said their comments and move on.  Being sexual abuse is nothing that you can just let go and move on with.  It stays with you until you deal with it.  You are dealing with it one way or the other, either willingly or forcefully, but one way or the other you will have to deal with it.  How you handle it is your choice, but it is not something that you can move on with or just get over…..

  • Linda Archer

    I would like to know exactly what I am suppose to get over,
    Is it the fact that the one who was suppose to protect me and
    be my hero, taught me thing little girls areonly suppose to learn
    When they become ladies and on their marriage bed,
    or maybe the fear I deal with on a daily basis when it comes
    time I am suppose to face my bed at night, or maybe that my
    addiction of choice is not sex, drugs, but food, or maybe it
    should be that I have no idea what I could have been had I
    not lived a life of abuse. To the person who would say get
    over it , I say get over yourself.

    • Dee

      @Linda A. wow, wow, wow.  I felt your heart and your pain and anger to the question.  It seems that you are discovering yourself; I would encourage you to keep it going.  I like that you said “get over yourself” to those who may say just get over it and going on.  Kudos for you.

  • Littlelady43

    I am a survivor of child sexual abuse and had a child from the abuse, who is now deceased. My mom told me to move on, get over it. It hurts, it makes me mad, and it reopens my wound. The fact that my older brother started molesting me when I was seven until he got me pregnant and my mother took up for him and I got a beating for getting pregnant, it angers me. To those who have never had someone to take away your childhood, your virginity or your right to choose who you wanted to give your virginity to, you will never understand the torment, the hatred, the pain that victims go through. Life is just now getting to be OK. I got pregnant at 12 had my child at 13. I am 53 now and this has been the hardest thing to go through in my life.

  • Anonymous

    I HATE HATE HATE it when people said this. I know its mainly lack of education, but I have had family tell me that I must of liked it, wanted it, etc. Nothing could have been futher from the truth. it made me sick to be sexualy abused. What people don’t relaize is this is a life sentence, and that we ofetn freeze when this happens. That is because people were made to be loved NOT ABUSED! I can’t wait until reclaim teaches people how to console sexually abused people.

  • Anonymous

    It makes me feel as if I’m not important enough to be protected or believed. My sister told me why would I say something after all of these years and shame the family.  Well the shame is not on me but it is on my UNCLE because he was old enough to know what he was doing was wrong. I told for the protection of all the little girls of today and the future. IT’S TIME TO SPEAK UP! 

    Actually, I thought I was healed from my abuse many years ago but for some reason it would resurface expecially in my marriage. I always felt so nasty & dirty when my husband said anything with a sexual overtone.(the little girl inside of me felt nasty)  It should have been a natural feeling after all I was married. If I would have gotten help sooner my marriage might have survived. I needed somebody to speak up and protect her. I NEEDED SOMEBODY TO SAY IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT YOU WERE ONLY 5 YRS. OLD!!!!!!!BABY WE WILL BEAT HIM UP

    What an outstanding job Dr. Kaye and ReclaimGlobal did to help me begin true healing. I am now  a confident, positive, and comfortable woman today because of it. THANK YOU

    PLEASE DON’T BRUSH IT OFF thinking it will just go away like I did. It will come up in a relationship, a marriage, parenting, intimancy, and just any contact with the opposite sex. Believe you me, Reclaim is here to help you.

  • Brandie

    People that haven’t walked in our shoes are ignorant to the life-long damage it does to a women’s soul. You don’t tell a person who’s family member has been murdered to get over it…our innocent souls were murdered the day someone decided to take advantage of our little bodies. Why don’t they get over saying get over it and gain some knowledge before you want to say something stupid like that to a women.

  • emma03

    It makes me think either that person was never sexually abused and cannot relate to a sexual abuse victim or that they have been sexually abused and they a responding from thier own fear of facing what happened to them.

  • T3unique

    I have been told to leave the “past in the past”…..Boy did this make me mad.  I found myself simply saying to them, “You don’t understand this is not about you its about me”. 

    Of course, this was someone that did not have any experience with sexual abuse, therefore, could not relate. To me saying “get over it” is like a slap in the face; this is thier way of saying “SHUT UP”.  When people use phrases like that, we need to continue to speak. 

    It was when I began to speak up and ask questions about the past that I receive the response to leave it along.  I truly believe youa  receive response like that when you are either on the edge of pushing their button on having to give you answers and deal with the hurt as well or they are covering up something. 

    We need to blow the lid off the phrase “get over it”….An abused victim can’t get over it.  Abuse is something you deal with for life……Abuse is a marking or scar on your life/soul.  You are literally frozen in time.  You try to stuff it down and it continues to rise like an overflowing cup. 

     Abuse has to be dealt with there is no other way.  You either deal with it or it will deal with you.  Haunting and Nightmares of abuse is complete torment…….Break the silence!!!!!!!!!!

    • Anonymous

      WOW that’s powerful when you said this is like a slap in the face when people say get over it. Other words that I hate are: what’s wrong with you, you need to see a shrink, what is your problem, or you need to be on pills. Sometimes people are just so careless with their words, or they are mean and hateful. Let’s think before we speak people.

  • cocoabutterchef

    Shamefully, I was one of these people.  As a victim, I was angry when I saw people affected by their abuse, when I saw them getting help, I was jealous, because I felt that no one care for me that way.  I now realize that when someone says, “just get over it”, etc, they have no idea how this crime effects the life of the person who has experienced this.  If someone cuts off another person’s arm, we don’t say them, “Oh get over it, you arm will grow back!” We allow them to go through the healing process, and then accomodations are made them.  The arm is still gone, it will never grow back.  The same with sexual abuse, once a little girl is violated this way, her life is altered forever, yes she may heal, but the scar remains. 

    • Anonymous

      you are sooo right! we don’t have the same response if someone robs you, breaks into your home, or tries to kill you. Then, we are out for revenenge. Then, people want justice, and sometimes they want to kill the person that killed their child etc. Why can’t we be that passionate about stopping sexual abuse?

  • Transparent12

    How does it make me feel? It reminds me of what the theme of my life might as well have been…”get over it.” My abuse was as logical as inhaling & exhaling, eating & sleeping…just another aspect of life. What it should have been was vile, disgusting, non-existent.
    To tell me to get over it is the equivalent of saying, stop breathing…eh, go ahead and NOT eat for the rest of your life. Are you kidding me?! So, what I should do is cut the life support from my being, turn over & die, & then allow the fertilizer of my remains to nourish this sick, twisted, grotesque act to grow…YEAH RIGHT!
    I am most certainly mad, infuriated at the thought of “just getting over it” … and will absolutely not keep quiet about it ever again!

    • Anonymous

      I think some of us felt that we should just get over it as well, because we felt we asked for it our own self. That is why we need Reclaim to teach us, and the world that this thought is so far from the truth its pathetic.

  • Brownj 1976

    I’ve been told to ‘just get over it’ & before I got angry about it- it made me sad deep down all over again. Like this is just one more person not seeing me as a human being & worth it. I’m sure people might say this because they don’t want to deal with such a harsh & ugly reality. We can’t do that any longer. Abuse victims or the people who know them- it only perpetuates the cycle of pain. Read around this site for a while & you”ll start to learn some alternatives to a life lead in shame & hurt.

    • Anonymous

      I know these people would get mad if we said get over the lose of your child after they were killed, kidnapped, or something like that. Yet, we were robbed by our innocents, but are expected to get over it and move on without so much as any help or counsling from anyonne.

  • Anonymous

    The first reclaim confernce was toatlly awsome! It was educational, mind blowing, mind opeing, and helped heal a lot of women. I can not wait until the next one!

  • Anonymous

    I hate it. We can not get over it, until we tell our tell. Mostly, people say this because they are uneducated. I know my family members have said “he won’t hurt you now, because he’s too old. why are you still upset by this, there is nothing we can do about sexual abuse, you must have liked it, etc. That made me so made when they said that, because it is SO NOT true, if you know someone who is being sexually abused PLEAS DO NOT EVR SAY THESE WORDS> Its like you saying that someone asked to be killed, that someone liked to be tortured, or that someone derserved when they get robbed or shot or whatever. This is a life sentence for us, that we wish never happened.

    • T3unique

      Sarabell,

      I agree with you completely, “a life sentence”.  That is exactly what it is.  No one should utter words like that…..Those words are saying its your fault so deal with it……Just makes me mad.  Educate yourself is the key.  We have to continue to get this message out to the world, to stop the mind flow of “get over it”….aka its ok, shut up,  deal with it, etc. 

  • Anonymous

    It infuriates me, for a number of reasons! Many times, the person saying this, have never experienced sexual abuse. How can you go on with your life after this? What life do you really have? Not to mention, there is a sexual predator lurking our streets around innocent children! You want me to forget about the abuse and go on with my life! How? You can’t tell a person to do that, because you don’t understand the effect it has on that person’s life! To tell someone that has gone through sexual abuse to just get over it is similar to telling a paralyzed person, wheelchair bound, to just get up and walk! You can not do that, because there is a process to that person receiving their healing.

    People are always so quick to find the easy way through a conversation or situation. When someone has reported the fact that they have been sexually abused….this requires peeling back layers of what happened. Every question and situation, can not be easily answered by google.com. Somethings would actually require listening and communicating!

    You let someone come into your house and steal something precious to you, and see won’t you be ready to do everything in your power to get it back and to prevent a person from ever being able to steal it again! This is the same thing for a sexual abuse victim! Some people have such a hard time understanding the dynamics of sexual abuse…..let me paint this picture for you. A grown man in a grown man’s body on a little girl in a little girl’s body, and if that is still to hard to grasp, think about a doverman pinscher on a chihuaha! That is sick and twisted! So to tell a person to just get over it and let it go, is inhuman and insensitive altogether! Sexual abuse should never happen to a person, let alone a child!

    When I came out about the sexual abuse that happened to me, people would ask me questions like, “why didn’t you tell anyone” or “you could have told me.” Those same people are no where to be found right now! “I told and you are not around right now, so what good would it have done for me to tell while it was happening?” Furthermore, the fear the perpetrator puts on a child is so horrific, you would rather keep it a secret because if you ever told…..your final fate would be death, because the perpetrator has already threatened the child on so many occassions. The question, “why didn’t you tell anyone?” This should never be a question for a victim of sexual abuse! My question to them is, “why didn’t you notice or recognize the signs, why couldn’t you tell my attitude and personality changed?” That’s the real question. People seriously expect a child to be able to form into words what happened to them, that’s crazy!! You can hardly understand what’s happening to you during the abuse, let alone, being able to explain to someone else what is happening!

    People seriously need to wake up and pay attention!

    • Brandie

      More people need to read this!! The picture you painted was spot on. You don’t let a serial killer of the hook and send him back to society, then way do you send someone back that has murdered a childs soul. You let them loose and they murder another soul and another. When is enough enough? This isn’t some third world county this is happening in. It’s happening right in you own back yard perhaps even your own home. Wake Up!!!

      • Dianeroselle

         Right, Brandie!  This is exactly what it is like — a serial killer of souls.  I wish I had realized that before…that it won’t stop.

    • Anonymous

      Your right. This haunts you without you knowing it. It effect the way we think, act, and behave. it effects how we interact with others, our realtionships, job, etc. So, people stop telling us to get over it